This 20th of November, Akei and PinoyG4M will visit the Home for the Golden Days.
For more information, you may visit the event page on Facebook or join the conversation in the PG4M forums.
PinoyG4M and the Akei LGBTIQ Working Group is teaming up to aid the Home for the Golden Gays!
Choose one or both ways to help:
I want to sponsor:
You may donate cash by contacting us below or you may opt to give slippers, colorful shirts, fans, combs, handkerchiefs and/or toiletries. Pledges & donations will be publicly listed but you may request to remain anonymous.
Click here for instructions on how to donate via GCash.
Click here for a list of Internation GCash Remit partners.
I want to volunteer:
Join us for a fun afternoon at the Home!
1:00 - 5:00 PM
November 26, 2011 | Saturday
Home for the Golden Gays
#108 David Street corner F.B. Harrison, Pasay City
For more information, visit the event's page on Facebook.
You may also join the conversation in the PG4M forums
The Home for the Golden Gays is "a refuge for the elderly and vulnerable gays of Manila. A home for those, who have nowhere else to go, for those whose families have rejected them, and for those who simply want to be in the company of other elderly gays."
PinoyG4M: Straight Talk for Gay Men
PG4M (Pinoy Guys4Men) is an online message board for Filipino and Philippine-based gay and bisexual men. This site aims to provide a venue for conversation and exchange of ideas among its members, providing a venue for friendship, a sense of community, and a sounding board for opinions and concerns of gay men regarding the current issues and trends facing not just the LGBT people, but the society in general.
Contact:
Lanchie Abanco
+63 917 365 9620
lanchie@gmail.com
The LGBTIQ Working Group of Akei considers the status of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersexual & questioning/queer (LGBTIQ) peoples as one of the last great civil issues of our time. In countries around the world, LGBTIQs face issues on multiple fronts--in justice systems, workplaces and even among their peers. Akei plans to concentrate on improving movement tactics, social networks and cultural capital in the LGBTIQ community through harnessing intellectual resources so as to create systemic changes in how LGBTIQ people are treated in society.
Contact:
PJ Salenda
Akei LGBTIQ Working Group
+63 918 942 8513
prsalenda@gmail.com
In celebration of Manila Pride 2011, PinoyG4M and Akei will hold an Outreach Program to Home for the Golden Gays.
Much like Golden Acres or Home for the Aged, the Home serves as a refuge for the elderly but is targeted towards the elderly gay. What better way to celebrate this Gay Pride season than to give back to help those who were there before us.
This is an open invitation for anyone who wishes to help us help the Home. Anyone who wants to pledge any amount, you may contact Lanchie at (63) 917 365 9620 or send an email to lanchie@gmail.com.
For more information, you may visit the links above.
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
~Dr. Seuss
You deserve to find happiness and I don't want to be the one who will stop you from doing so. I may not ever be ready for what you are expecting. If you wait for me, you might just be waiting in vain.
You still have a long way ahead of you while I had been damaged a long time ago. Don't let me stop you from being happy. It's difficult for me to let go of something very special to me, but I already am full of cracks. A tighter grip on me might make me break and the pieces may just bleed you. I'm sorry. I really am.
You'll eventually find someone who can love you and treat you better than I can, someone who you can truly be happy with.
It's not easy to let you go, believe me, but I realized I won't be good for you. If you continue holding on to me, I can't promise that you won't get hurt and I don't want to see you get hurt. Especially not by me.
Letting you go might be the biggest mistake I'll ever make but I don't want to be selfish anymore. I've told you before that the reason why I stay with you is because you make me happy. I'm happy when I'm with you, but I realized you won't be truly happy just loving me. You deserve to be loved back.
Out there, somewhere, someone can love you the way you deserve.
Right now, you say you're okay with all that. You say that I should just let you love me and you'll be happy that way, but you're just drunk from what we had. Eventually, when you find another someone special, you'll realize you can be happier than you are with me.
No, I am not in love.
I’m just intoxicated by your kisses, addicted to your embrace, high on having your eyes on me, but no. I’m not in love. Even though people around me say I smile whenever I say your name or that my face lights up whenever I talk about you, I’m just not ready to admit it yet.
I will admit that I want you, long for you, always want to be with you. I admit that I start missing you five minutes after being away and that my mind is always filled with thoughts of you. I know that I wish you’d never be out of my sight, that we’d spend every day together, but does that already mean I’m in love? No. It doesn’t prove anything.
Will it really make a difference if I do or do not love you? Will it change anything for you? Do you even care?
I don’t even know what I am to you if I am anything at all. For all I know we’re just playing a game and the rules are yours to dictate; and the rules you have laid out say I lose if I fall in love. See, I don’t care much about losing so I won’t admit I’m in love. I don’t want to lose this game.
Stubborn pride, you say? Maybe it is. Maybe I’m just too proud to admit defeat or maybe I’m just trying to protect myself because losing a game like this can be very painful and can inflict a wound that may take forever to heal.
Someone just told me: if you’re not brave enough to take the risk with somebody, then you should be strong enough to be alone.
At this point, I can only say I’m gathering my strength. I just can’t say whether I’m using my strength to brave the risk or reserve it to survive loneliness.
Ah! The cool, cool winds of the North have come. That means Yule season is here.
I've always said that I love the cold better than the heat because when you're cold you could easily warm yourself up by wrapping layers and layers of cloth around you; but when it's hot... it's still hot even if you take all your clothes off. On warm days you can't spend all day bathing just to cool off.
Still, that's just one of the reasons why I love a cold weather.
I remember someone once told me that the cold weather allows me to dress up without being inappropriate and that is just so true! I can put on layers of clothes, play around with my style, mixing and matching shirts, sweaters, jackets, and overcoats and nobody would think that I'm a fashion faux pas. Well, at least not many people would...
Being in a tropical country means, most of the time, dressing up means putting on a button-up shirt and slacks. One shirt, a pair of pants, and a pair of leather shoes are about all you need to wear to make people start thinking you're either going to a party or a date.
That is just unfair!
Anyway... moving on...
The cool winds are here and now so that means I can play dress up. Although I dress up everyday, the cold winds give me more flexibility. It gives me reason to wear a jacket and an overcoat, or a sweater over a jacket, or something like that.
Anyway, last week, since it was really cold, I really had to put on multiple layers of clothing: I had on my T-shirt under a brown knit cardigan and a black denim jacket. Of course, I couldn't possibly survive walking down Session Road without my black cut-off gloves and red muffler. One day, I had to wear a sweater, a really warm jacket (our old team jacket) that had a snood, and, of course, a muffler and my gloves.
Last Sunday morning, I wore a gray suit over a blue-white-and-yellow striped shirt with a navy blue tie, and a blue-white argyle knit vest. That's my church outfit.
Oh! And, yeah, my gold shoes (yes, my shoes were gold... well, a gold and black meld, actually... it may seem totally off from the gray suit but, believe me, the ensemble went perfectly well).
I realized, though, that no matter how many layers of clothing I put on, the layers could not deny the fact that it was really cold all around me. My ears still hurt from all the cool air. I still could not feel my nose whenever I go out to walk along Session Road and my finger tips still feel frozen stiff and feel like they'd fall off any moment.
No matter how many protective clothing I wrap around myself, the coldness is never gone...
For the umpteenth time! I have failed to update this blog... and even this template that I was working on hasn't progressed since August.
I've really got only one excuse... I've been very, very, very busy! Really!
Like a lonely child lost in the wilderness, I wandered wary, ever watchful. This world, though I have walked for years, felt new and raw to my senses. The air I drew into my lungs, the sights that fed my eyes, the constant shifting of cold and heat on my skin, and the bittersweet taste in my tongue were not the same as the ones I had been used to. It all felt so new because for the first time I walked this earth and I was complete, my feet on the ground feeling its coldness against mine, my ghost at last in my shell.
Gingerly, I took my first step. The earth felt cold beneath my feet and the coldness swept to my spine making me shiver.
Shivering from the cold? I asked myself wryly, how could a soul as cold as mine shiver from the measly cool of the earth?
Yet, in all truth, I knew what the answer was even before the question was asked. The answer was something I have always tried to deny, a fact that I tried to escape. The answer was the reason why I built my sanctuary and stayed in that limbo. The answer was something more than I was able to admit to myself because it meant opening up a world of possible pain and suffering, of sadness and hurt... a world of reality.
Still I continued to ignore the ever-whispering truth, denied the nagging fact and dismissed the answer I had always known as foolery.
I took my second step, more gingerly this time. One toe landed first, testing to see if another shiver will run down my spine. The ground was still cold and the chill still had the undesirable effect. Still I went on...
Feet flat on the ground, the cold travelling from my heels to my spine, reaching my head, I felt nauseated. I never realized there were too many sensations a simple walk on this earth could bring. I felt the tingle of dust between my toes, the roughness of the earth beneath my feet, the silky caressing of the breeze on my skin. There was a plethora of intruding sensations and I felt them all and then some.
The sudden surge on my senses was astonishing, it made me want to withdraw... run back to my sanctuary. Only there was no sanctuary left for me to return to. I had no choice but to face the new world I have braved to enter.
I'm exchanging my Marlboro's for Chupa Chups... gawd! I still can't believe I'm doing this.
I know there's a lot to blog about lately. With all the many things going on around the world, one'd think I'd have tons to write about. So why the hell have I not been updating this blog of late?
Why? I don't really know. A lot of things have been keeping me quite busy; work, friends family, etc. While I've been able to keep my online self alive through social networking sites, forums, instant messenging, blah... blah... blah... I haven't been able to keep this blog alive! My last post's over a month ago and that wasn't even a full blog entry but just something I posted at random.
Why haven't I been updating this blog despite the fact that there's been a lot going on?
Alright, let me muster some excuses... err... answers...
In no particular order:
Notice the period in the last excuse? That's because I feel that that's the real reason for all this nonsense... I'm not inspired...
These are the moments when I wish a day had more than 24 hours... Busy busy busy everyday... haven't even the time to update the blog properly.
It's a lazy Monday morning... I got bored... I filmed myself solving the Rubik's Cube and surprised myself. I didn't know I could do it in less than 2 minutes. No tricks here, I swear!
Gawsh! I can't believe the literary pieces I wrote from around 6, 7 or 8 years ago.
I can't remember exactly when I wrote this piece of poetry anymore, but I remember posting this in poetry.com. I received an invitation from them through postal mail a couple of months after I posted it in their site, but by then it was too late for me to send a response (most postal mails I receive are usually delayed because our house is so far away from town and it's quite difficult to find).
Anyway, here's the piece... so far one of my favorites:
Sketches
The graphite tip glides on a white, lined sheet.
The slender body dances in the air with a beat
That gnarled, tired fingers set.
Out of painstakingly slow strokes
Emerge lines that by sight evoke
Nothing from the first look.
Yet gradually in the slow pace,
As lines and curves form lattice and lace,
Over the once-white press...
Form figures of this world and out,
Happy faces that are saddened with a pout.
Images of perfection with a flaw
Come alive in a fashion that is raw.
Once again the tip smoothly glides
On the sheet that was once just white,
But is now dirtied with lines, dark and light.
And so it was signed...
Yes, definitely one of my best lyric poems and one of my works which I'm really proud of.
Whoa! I can't believe a month has passed since my last post. With everything that's been going on, too many things I got preoccupied with, I haven't even noticed. Heck! It feels like it's only been a week.
In the past couple of weeks, I've been pretty preoccupied by thoughts of finding myself some greener pasture. I've been debating with myself whether or not higher salary and better benefits are enough reasons for me to give up my tenure in the current company I'm working for. Several of my friends have told me to go for the money, but there are a few who took on a more sentimental view of my dilemma. Yes, I've learned to appreciate the goods and accept the bads of my current employer and I've grown so comfortable in my work environment that I realized it would be really difficult to let go. Still, a higher pay, better benefits, and possibly better opportunities for professional growth is very, very tempting.
Well, the debate isn't over yet. No side has won. I'm still at the edge of the cliff trying to decide whether to fasten myself and hold on or take the plunge.
Then there was this life-changing episode that happened about three weeks ago that up to now, I still do not have enought words to describe. All I can say is that six gunshots and six bullet holes in your car can alter your entire outlook in life. It was really life-changing...
Those are the sad parts... on to happy thoughts...
I've been very busy reconnecting with old friends and making new ones. I had fun going out again with some old friends: OliverTwist of OrangeinaPod and OliverMakesDolls (you've got to check out his dolls!), some old friends from way back that I haven't been with in almost 2 years (I so missed Ma'am Cyn, Racel, and Ms. Weng). I've also reconnected with some schoolmates from high school, people I haven't heard from in years!
Whew! It has been a very engrossing month.
Oliver tagged me in this. You're supposed to answer the question or complete the sentence with a song by the band or artist you picked. It was really fun to answer, although a little difficult:
Pick a band/artist: SHIRLEY BASSEY - walang aangal, naka-shirley bassey mode ako eh...
Too many thoughts running in my head. They're like swirls of thick black smoke, smothering... suffocating... I see memories of life past, thoughts of the present, and fears for tomorrow. They imprison my slumber, depriving me of sleep, and force my eyes to open only to find darkness, oblivion. It makes me realize I am alone and that my life after all was just a game of solitaire played in desolation.
Recluse was my only companion. Detachment from this cruel world was the invisible wall I built to protect myself. It was too late when I realized that recluse and detachment had harmed me more than those I've protected myself from could have done. Too late... the damage had gone deep within. It had locked up my soul, chained my heart, and slayed my emotions that I became nothing more than a shell... empty... hollow... nothing but a cold, soulless corpse.
For a long time, that corpse walked this earth, and yet no eyes ever laid upon it, visible to none but itself. That corpse walked alongside people, and yet its feet never touched the ground. Always afloat, never descended, it was afraid to feel the cold earth touching its own cold self.
Slowly, though, the walls of the limbo in which this corpse' forgotten soul had hidden began to crumble. The forgotten soul struggled to rebuild its sanctuary's walls, brick by brick, stone by stone. Yet for each stone it laid, two fell. For each brick it placed back, two crumbled. The more it struggled, the more the walls collapsed. The fight was futile.
That soul, my soul, the real me had no choice left but to step out of the sanctuary.
Voodoo dolls aren't just for casting spells anymore...they're now also good for displaying on your work station. Isn't it adorable?
The doll's a product from a friend and fellow blogger, OliverTwist. Check out his blog for more on the dolls and other stuff.
You can get accessories for your doll, too! Nifty!
You can visit www.olivermakesdolls.co.nr for more info.
Yes... After days of waiting... I finally got my hands on this amazingly sleek gadget, the Samsung Omnia.
I've said before that patience is a virtue... but I'll also say that there's a thin line between patience and martyrdom and martyr is not a word I would like to be attached to me. So I figured bitching about matters that irritate can get the job done faster.
At any rate, after getting delayed for three days, the handset was finally delivered... actually, it wasn't... I had to pick it up because the delivery guys couldn't find our address. But after waiting for days, I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to have that phone on my hands!
So there... after all the hullabaloo, I've got my precious with me. I'm happy now.
I've waited for so long... so very, very long.
Then what? Nothing!
My beloved never came to me... My beloved Samsung Omnia, supposedly delivered to me today before 5PM, never came. Imagine the disappointment and the frustration I felt as I reluctantly left the house, losing all hopes that my beloved handset will arrive.
Earlier when I woke up, I was already excited. I was finally going to see the handset I've waited for and feel it in my bare hands... But, I said to myself, patience is a virtue.
So I waited... and waited... and waited...
3:00 PM
No deliveries, yet. By this time, I would have normally been in the office but I decided to come in late to wait for the arrival of my precious Omnia.
3:30 PM
Still no package arrived. I decided to take a shower and hoped that by the time I was done, the courier service would have found their way to our house.
4:00 PM
Any time, now... it should be here any time.
I was done showering and was watching TV. I had no idea what was on; my mind was still on the handset I've been waiting for.
4:30 PM
It was getting late and I had to leave the house in a few minutes, but still I haven't received any packages so I decided to call up my Telco provider to follow up.
As usual, they weren't of any help. All they had to tell me was wait until 5:00 PM.
Again, I thought, patience is a virtue.
5:00 PM
Indeed, patience is a virtue... and I was quickly losing all virtues.
I called again to tell my Telco provider that the package hasn't arrived yet, and for the nth time, they provided no help. All they said was that they'll be contacting their materials department to follow up on the status of the delivery and that they'll call me up as soon as they have a reply. I was also advised to wait until 6:00 PM. Right... like I had no more important things to do than wait!
5:30 PM
Frustrated and extremely disappointed, I finally gave in and decided that the package most probably won't be arriving any time soon. I called again to ask for the courier service's contact numbers and the delivery's tracking number so I could just make the follow up myself. Unfortunately, my Telco provider's call-in service was, at most, useless and were not able to give me any usable information.
So now I'm blogging about this, still frustrated... still disappointed... yet still excited. The excitement won't stop until I get my hands on that Omnia... By Monday, hopefully...
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love you tomorrow... your'e only a day away...
O, yes! Just one more day away and I will finally get to give all my loving to that phone that I've been wanting to own since it was released last year. I introduce to you my beloved Samsung Omnia.
It's sleek. It's glossy. It's simply sweet and I'm loving it!
Here are a couple more pics of the Omnia compared to two of its competitors, the iPhone and the HTC Touch Diamond.
