Para Kay B1

You deserve to find happiness and I don't want to be the one who will stop you from doing so. I may not ever be ready for what you are expecting. If you wait for me, you might just be waiting in vain.

You still have a long way ahead of you while I had been damaged a long time ago. Don't let me stop you from being happy. It's difficult for me to let go of something very special to me, but I already am full of cracks. A tighter grip on me might make me break and the pieces may just bleed you. I'm sorry. I really am.

You'll eventually find someone who can love you and treat you better than I can, someone who you can truly be happy with.

It's not easy to let you go, believe me, but I realized I won't be good for you. If you continue holding on to me, I can't promise that you won't get hurt and I don't want to see you get hurt. Especially not by me.

Letting you go might be the biggest mistake I'll ever make but I don't want to be selfish anymore. I've told you before that the reason why I stay with you is because you make me happy. I'm happy when I'm with you, but I realized you won't be truly happy just loving me. You deserve to be loved back.

Out there, somewhere, someone can love you the way you deserve.

Right now, you say you're okay with all that. You say that I should just let you love me and you'll be happy that way, but you're just drunk from what we had. Eventually, when you find another someone special, you'll realize you can be happier than you are with me.

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The Juna Monologue: Uber Random Thoughts for the moment:

A double-decker peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich, a cup of coffee, a stick of cigarette, and Basia's Clear Horizon playing in the background for breakfast. Breakfast? Hah! I haven't even slept yet so this should be counted as - uhm - midnight snack? Since I'm supposed to have slept hours ago but still haven't and instead am eating?

Sometimes I hate the night shift but I've gotten so used to it after living like this for several years, I've even gotten used to hating it. Go figure!

Oh, dear! I just remembered I have almost a month's stack of dirty clothes but haven't had the time to get them to the laundry shop. No. Actually, I've just been too lazy to do that. Now I'm running out of decent clothes to wear so I'm gonna have to finally drop by the laundry shop to have 'em washed.

I also need to shop for grocers. Our cupboard's almost empty. I wanted to make an Omelet earlier but found no eggs and I was too lazy to go buy some. Scratch that. I was too lazy to dress (since I'm only wearing boxers at the moment) to go buy.

Cigarette's all burnt out. Let me light another stick...



*puffing smoke*

I should quit. I've been planning on quitting but never gotten around finishing up the plan. Oh, well. Planning is too tiring, so what the heck!

Jeez! I'm such a lazy ass, I know.

Wait! This is supposed to be a thread for my one-liners, right? So this shouldn't be here, right? But it's my thread, right? Am I making any sense?

No, I guess not. I never make sense, anyway. I wonder how the people around me could survive my ranting! Sometimes I feel like my thoughts have absolutely no coherence. I guess that's why I only come up with one-liners. Just to be on the safe.

Speaking of one-liners and this thread, I can't even remember how this thread came up. I just know it's Bananafish's fault why this thread exists but I can't remember the story behind it. Was there even a story? Or was this thread just another random thought? Maybe I'm just a random thought and I don't really exist!

Oops! There I go again. Rant! Rant! Rant!

Someone make me stop! Please!

Now I'm just typing along and my fingers are actually just hitting the keys without thinking. I think I'm just typing in rhythm to Basia's "An Olive Tree" which is now playing in the background. It's such a conducive music to type to.

Err...

"Conducive music to type to"? What the hell was that?

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