Angst: Part 2

Like a lonely child lost in the wilderness, I wandered wary, ever watchful. This world, though I have walked for years, felt new and raw to my senses. The air I drew into my lungs, the sights that fed my eyes, the constant shifting of cold and heat on my skin, and the bittersweet taste in my tongue were not the same as the ones I had been used to. It all felt so new because for the first time I walked this earth and I was complete, my feet on the ground feeling its coldness against mine, my ghost at last in my shell.

Gingerly, I took my first step. The earth felt cold beneath my feet and the coldness swept to my spine making me shiver.

Shivering from the cold? I asked myself wryly, how could a soul as cold as mine shiver from the measly cool of the earth?

Yet, in all truth, I knew what the answer was even before the question was asked. The answer was something I have always tried to deny, a fact that I tried to escape. The answer was the reason why I built my sanctuary and stayed in that limbo. The answer was something more than I was able to admit to myself because it meant opening up a world of possible pain and suffering, of sadness and hurt... a world of reality.

Still I continued to ignore the ever-whispering truth, denied the nagging fact and dismissed the answer I had always known as foolery.

I took my second step, more gingerly this time. One toe landed first, testing to see if another shiver will run down my spine. The ground was still cold and the chill still had the undesirable effect. Still I went on...

Feet flat on the ground, the cold travelling from my heels to my spine, reaching my head, I felt nauseated. I never realized there were too many sensations a simple walk on this earth could bring. I felt the tingle of dust between my toes, the roughness of the earth beneath my feet, the silky caressing of the breeze on my skin. There was a plethora of intruding sensations and I felt them all and then some.

The sudden surge on my senses was astonishing, it made me want to withdraw... run back to my sanctuary. Only there was no sanctuary left for me to return to. I had no choice but to face the new world I have braved to enter.